It is almost two months now of me living with the Cambodian Center for Independent Media (CCIM) and Newsroom Cambodia Group II trainees, especially with all my trainers. Most of the time everybody calls them “Cher,” short for “Teacher.”

Honestly speaking, this class is SUPER…and…SUPER funny!!! And we can’t count how many times that we laugh loudly like a bomb exploded, since the first day that we started our class… We also can’t count how many times that our teacher got complaints from his colleagues about our activities every day.

Not only me but also my classmate well-know that both of you (Chansy Chhorn and Michael Dickison) get stressed because of us. As teacher Chansy mentioned in the training class: “When kids make mistakes … everyone will be complaining to the parents.” Yes… we are like your kids without a mom ha ha ha. And I know my voice is very loud in the classroom but this will become good memories for future conversations.

Before starting the serious part of my blog, and I want to share with you a funny story from my experiences this week. I was assigned to go out to the field on Thursday to cover a sports story about the Riellionaire Group and the Brazilian International Football Academy (BIFA) Vietnam hosting a press conference about a visiting Brazilian football legend, Roberto Carlos, at the Singapore Cambodia International Academy (SCIA).

I don’t like to watch football and I don’t exactly know many football legends and superstars. I arrived at SCIA and saw many pictures on TV screens, photo backdrops, standies and all the marketing materials promoting Roberto Carlos visiting Cambodia on February 5.

The press conference started, and in attendance was Ricardo Alves Fernandes, founder of BIFA Vietnam and an ex-professional football player of over 20 years, playing for several teams in Brazil, the Middle East, Asia and Europe.

Many guests joined the conference. I was not the only one confused. Many reporters thought Ricardo was Roberto Carlos sitting in front of us.

One reporter from another media outlet said to me, “Roberto Carlos, when he plays for his team, he looks very small and is shorter than his teammates. But outside he has a big body and is very tall.” My brain started to getting seriously confused: Ricardo versus Roberto Carlos on the posters. I looked at the real person and compared him with the poster. In my mind they do not look the same, but finally my mind made a decision that Ricardo is Roberto Carlos.

The Q&A started and I prepared my questions to ask Ricardo thinking he is Roberto Carlos in front of me. The press conference finished very smoothly and I am very excited to meet the Brazilian football legend, Roberto Carlos, and especially I have the opportunity to take a picture with Roberto Carlos.

When I arrived home during my lunchtime, I posted my picture with Ricardo on my Facebook with the caption, “With Roberto Carlos…” and many friends in my Facebook profile were also confused that I had taken a picture with Roberto Carlos… Wow…look at that picture. I received a lot of comments and friends on Facebook were proud of me, jealous of me, and especially they commented, “I want to take a picture with Roberto Carlos too. How can I meet him?” I also sent the picture with Ricardo to my classmates and trainers… I am feeling very special that I met him…

Finally, when I reach my class at CCIM and I am preparing to write the story about the Roberto Carlos press conference, I am checking Google once again to review his profile. I am starting to ask myself again that the guy that I took a picture with and Roberto Carlos on Google do not look the same… teeth, appearance, hair, face, age, body and height… I am looking many times and they do not look the same. I bring this up with my trainer Chansy and he says, “Normally, when players retire they will change and become fat, get a big belly and are not as handsome as when they were playing football.”

Yes, exactly. I am now believing that. But unfortunately I received a message from the CEO of the Riellionaire Group via my Facebook: “Bong, I saw your post on Facebook and the guy you took a picture with, he is Ricardo, founder of BIFA. He is not Roberto Carlos. Roberto Carlos will come to Cambodia on February 5.” And immediately I am very quick to go back to my Facebook profile to edit my caption…

After I received the correct information I needed to change the angle of my article, and my questions for Ricardo became a blur, so I must be careful and get a specific quote. So, as my advice from this experience, please make sure of things before you start your story angle.

Friday, January 24 was a day of childhood emotions in my heart as I am of Chinese blood. Or you can just look at my appearance and 100 percent you will say that I am Chinese. But since I left my hometown in 2003 until today, Chinese New Year has just become a normal day for me. But I am sure childhood has the best memories for everyone and it is difficult to forget our childhood. Mostly, they are the best stories to share and talk when we meet. Chinese New Year was a very special time for me during my childhood with family and relatives, or as everyone says, “The season to collect Ang Pao.”

This week I spent my weekend joining a CamboJA training course under the topic “Labor Rights and Union NGOs” at the Sunway Hotel Phnom Penh. The knowledge never ends if you don’t stop, and though I have been a journalist for many years, my abilities and my knowledge is still limited, or I can say that I need to learn a lot from my seniors. The training provided me with more knowledge about professional journalism and especially about laws, labor rights, union NGOs and also journalism ethics.

This week was very meaningful for my journalism career and I believe this career will drive me to become a professional woman journalist, and especially that this career will give me value and the respect of many people in my society.

Dreams are invisible. They don’t exist, but dreams might come true during hard times.

Every week I reflect; I try to make myself more busy. But I’m overthinking and the result is worse; I’ve realized it’s not right, because doing a good thing at the wrong time means less. Every single day, you have 24 hours to do whatever you want — or nothing, because you just bullshit your time.

People take note of Mondays as a new day in a new week, to restart your work, studies, business; start a new life again. It is just a norm depending on who you are, but my new day is Monday too.

I like to promise myself on Mondays that I want to change myself to be better. But Monday comes and I am still the old me.

Go at the problem and try to solve it; that’s my day. Last Monday with CCIM, I went out from the newsroom to get news. I went to get the news with Thina (she is amazing) at the Great Duke Phnom Penh hotel, where people are demonstrating to get their salaries and justice.

Living in this society, it is not enough to just be alive. There are many things that people deserve. But for those things, you cannot stay still at the same place — you have to fight for it.

This world is too cruel if you live in the wrong place. Every day, there are problems and people are fighting each other… forever.

Just one example is the Great Duke hotel. You should know how big it is. And the case there, it’s about how people can be heartless, about humility, and families’ histories.

Over 100 staff worked there for 10 years or more, and they should get their retirement pay. But instead they are standing in front of the hotel’s gates asking for their last salaries. I would easily say: Just pay them. You built a five-star hotel and you don’t have money to pay your staff.

Imagine if a guest came to stay at your hotel for five days without payment. Will you agree to let them leave easily? You would say NO and ask for your money.

Confronting such problems, you will not stay in place. You will demand justice. But it is not easy to get.

But it is better to act rather than do nothing. At least the world will know what you have done is for a good thing.

No one is going to bring a mirror for you because they can already see your eyes. But you need a mirror to see yourself and find your way.

What would you do if a genie gave you three wishes?

Transforming into a bird would be my answer. A bird is always my spirit animal because I could fly anywhere without a passport and poop slowly from the sky until it neatly dropped onto the head of someone I hate. Interestingly enough, some people still interpret it as a good luck. Just what I always told myself when I got one.

My second wish would be… Wooffffff Woofffffff Wooooooo (sorry to make you sound like one). Oh morning! My gigil alarm clock with ocean-moon eyes waving his tail and ruining my dream again. Back to reality, I need to wake up and walk my hairy babe with four legs to his favorite morning spot. (He needs to lose 5 kg because he is too fat.)

So what I can do but yell at sky, scream at the world, ask why the moon has already gone away? I still haven’t finished my dreaming.

Today is Lunar New Year, when everyone seems to get possessed by Chinese vibes whether or not they actually have Chinese blood in their vessels. Even in my house, my family prepared a feast and prayed for our Cambodian ancestors. Judging by our appearance, I’m sure we are pure 100 percent Cambodian. But I think we usually celebrate this festival because we love to have family gatherings and take a day off from work to enjoy the time with family and friends (even if we have many national holidays already).

Honestly speaking, I really love the idea of taking a break and staying with my family, even though I have itchy feet and we might end up fighting every time we meet. This fallacy came to me when I was away from home last year for my volunteering abroad. The story began when my sisters called me during my work hours, tortured me by sending pictures of my favorite foods, impressed me with how much fun they were having without me and sent me a video of our babe sleeping next to the roast pig attempting to take a bite and run away from home, like he always did. I almost cried myself to sleep because I missed all those foods, and thinking that it should be me having fun since I was able to get away from household chores to enjoy my life in another country. But the reality hit me hard, like the hammer that we see in Tom and Jerry, helping me to clearly see the value of family gatherings, and how food can impact our mental well-being.

Plot twist. I’m now in my home country feeling nostalgic about the time when I was a volunteer. It is maybe reverse culture shock, I guess. But within this minute and second, I am totally missing my time there because right here I’m stuck in a nightmare-dressed-like-a-daydream situation; a pile of work laying beautifully by my side and I know I will be bombarded with questions from my relatives when we meet again. I don’t know what is going to happen, but for better or for worse, I wish I could achieve my first wish from the genie.

For week five, everyone has started to write individual articles. Finding a topic is hard, but finding an angle is harder. I tried to think of an issue that people always want to talk about, but are afraid to because they think they will be judged by Cambodian society.

Suddenly, I thought of what Thina (my classmate) and her friend said when they found out I lived alone in an apartment. They said it’s what they always wanted to do, living independently in a condo or apartment and taking all responsibility for themselves. But they can’t do it because their families do not support the idea.

They think I have a good life, but it’s not only them. Most people who just get to know me, they think I live a happy life. But actually, there are many painful events that happen behind the beautiful stuff they see. I just don’t want to show any of the drama from the other parts of me. Because I hate being judged by people.

As females living outside alone, we always get criticized, especially in Cambodian culture. For me, I have always wanted to live independently since I started university. But I was not really sure until the day that my parents were not on good terms that I decided to live alone.

It was not easy to walk this way alone because I not only get criticized by relatives, but also some friends, teachers and even neighbors that I try to be friendly with. They go too far asking about my personal life and start to change their behavior toward me.

To some people, this problem may be just a small thing because they don’t care. But for me, from day to day I get more and more pressure.

I began to lose confidence in myself. I didn’t want to go out and meet people.

Sometimes when I have a meeting with a client and I come back home, I keep thinking about what I said. (Did I do something wrong? Will they go and talk behind my back?)

I didn’t notice that I had started to feel afraid of talking to people. When I go out, I always look at my feet because I don’t want to face anyone.

I have been like this for more than six years. During those years I didn’t make new friends and I only talked to five or six people through social media or by phone when I felt alone.

Beside them, I only have my two cats that I adopted from ARC two years ago. There were many times that I really hated myself. I forgot what happy tasted like.

Sometimes, it’s not sad or happy but empty. When I really want to give up everything, I sit down in my bedroom and express all of my emotions, and my cats come to sleep near me. They remind me that I’m not alone. They are my kids; if I give up, who will take care of them for me?

Although they make me angry because they steal my clothes to play with, and tear up my sofa piece by piece when they are bored, I know they love me. They only have me.

Thinking about this problem, I have not found a solution yet. I think of not working with those who think it is a bad idea to live alone. What I have faced is more than I can say, but why? I just want to live my life. Why do people think that what I do is wrong? I’m not hurting anyone. Why do they look at me like I’m a bad person? Especially old people! They talk about those bad things to my family and my family throws all that stuff at me.

This is just what I’ve faced, so what about other women who live outside the family home like me? What do they face? This makes me want to write about this issue and see how people react to it.

If I could earn money every single time I listened to my inner voice, I would maybe compete with Bill Gates’ net worth. I think half of my problems are caused by the little devil on my shoulder. She keeps telling me that it’s going to be fine. I can do it later, just like when I was in school. Normally, I never have time to study but when I do, I don’t. I feel like I’m a procrastinator? ask-hole? error-ist? akrasia? Or maybe flawsome? It’s quite tricky to choose the best word to describe yourself, when you don’t understand yourself. I have been studying about myself for a long time, but I don’t think I have graduated yet.

Getting lost is the perfect recipe for disaster; apparently, I just experienced it again. Luckily, I’m not alone this time but with my best partners in crime, Theavy and Khema. It is the last chance to work in a group before each of us do the work individually, so the three of us hereby decided to jump in the same boat. After a long discussion, we decided to write a news feature about female journalists in Cambodia, which we didn’t really know what it would look like. Hell yes! I listened to little devil on my shoulder again; consequently, we couldn’t finish on time. I thought it would not take us long to finish, but in reality, this topic turned me upside down in surprising ways.

First of all, understanding more about journalism gives me mixed feelings. Working in the journalism industry is kind of brave yet admirable. They must make sure that everything is a fact and concrete; an independent journalist will try to disclose all untold truths or news, no matter how risky they might put themselves in. Independent journalists are the best example of the so-called “Not all heroes wear capes,” which I can use to explain to my kids now. Additionally, it is a well-informed message for me to recognize how important journalism is in society. This job needs to be valued and freed from unreasonable restrictions.

Secondly, I’ve noticed that it seems like a global phenomenon that male journalists outnumber female journalists, and there are many reasons contributing to this issue. On the other hand, having interviewed some of Cambodia’s female journalists, I have learned that those external and internal barriers are real and somehow overlooked. It’s such a shame to hear some say that this job is not for women; instead of carrying this mindset, I really hope that we can do something to remove all those fences and create a safe environment for female journalists. However, getting a chance to listen to their stories was an honor; I was moved and inspired by their commitment and guidance.

Last but not least, working as a team is great if you can finish the task on time; and it’s even greater if you cannot finish the work on time, but your team still managed to joke around and make our bond even stronger. Salute to my considerate teammates — they are the greatest alive, and apologies to our tireless teachers who never fail to save us.

ក្នុងសប្តាហ៍ទី៥នេះ អ្វីដែលខ្ញុំទទួលបានពីវគ្គបណ្តុះបណ្តាលនេះគឺការចេះគិតច្រើនជាងមុន។ កាលពីមុនខ្ញុំមិនទាន់ច្បាស់រឿងអ្វីទៅជាពត៌មាន។ តែពេលខ្ញុំបានរៀន ធ្វើអោយខ្ញុំច្បាស់លាស់ពីពត៌មាន គឺមានន័យថា មិនមែនអ្វីៗសុទ្ធតែជាដំណឹងនោះទេ គឺវាត្រូវការប្រភពរបស់ ពីភាគីពាក់ព័ន្ធច្បាស់លាស់ ឈរលើការពិត ទើបអាចផ្តល់ដំណឹង នោះទៅអ្នកតាមដានបាន។ ខ្ញុំចាប់ផ្តើមរៀនគិត បានច្រើនជាងមុន គ្រប់តែរឿងវាទាមទារអោយ យើងគិតរកនឹកសរសេរ ដើម្បីបានចំណីគំនិតទៅកាន់អ្នកតាមដាន។

As I work through my resolutions for the 2020s, I’m facing many situations that pull me out of my comfort zone. I have three short mysteries to share with you.

Here is a story of a friend of mine, she is an environmental activist. She is like one of my sisters and I appreciate knowing her and all her activities for Cambodia. But one night before her mission to the province, she chatted to our group, which has four people including me. We met each other on a trip to the jungle and now we’ve become sisters. We like to talk about any problem, happy or sad.

Back to the story, my friend (A) messaged the group to say that a friend (C) of one of her friends (B) told B that she shouldn’t be friends with her (A) anymore. Because she is generous and her job is sensitive, and C doesn’t want B to get too close to A. At night we discussed this in the group and my friend said she didn’t even consider the job that sensitive, and she doesn’t even care who talks bad of her. But I just wonder why people are weak about doing the right thing for society. Her words made me more proud of her, and I respect those people who do work like her as well.

I think living in a community we need to have a strong voice, not just a group of people, to resolve the issues of promoting rights and freedoms.

My second sharing of this blog is about billboards. In the airport where there are gates for multiple tourist departures to somewhere else, that billboard advertisement shows a big, big can of Cambodia Beer. I was surprised to see it and felt sorry about Cambodia. I noted some foreigners took a picture of the billboard and talked to their friends. I wonder, when in the country is there are lots of places, crafts, cultures and beliefs… why an alcohol advertisement is shown to people, why this is the place for both national and international tourists to see too clearly in the airport. If that’s what tourists need to be shown when they come to visit the country.

Back to a good-and-bad I had this past week. I have joined a workshop about the EBA (Everything But Arms). Sitting and listening to the speaker is good, but the great thing is you should ask a question at least once, and this is my weakness to think about questions to ask, especially at an event, because in the past I don’t really talk to each person and I’m a very quiet person at home. I could say that I am reticent.

But since joining in socializing, I can say that I am changing and communicating to more people around me. But sometimes I am still influenced by my bad feeling too that I don’t want to talk with people. Time has changed me more and more until I joined with CCIM. Communication is very important to people’s lives. Especially if you want to become a journalist.

At the event, I also interviewed a woman journalist who was a facilitator for the forum. She is so amazing to me and people. I asked her questions about her life as a woman journalist because I need her story for my group’s news about women in journalism in Cambodia. To hear some of her news was brilliant. I got her interview but this is still happen to me again and again. I did not put my specific angle to get more details about my news writing.

Working as a group is really important to succeed. It’s not just about knowledge; it’s really great to understand each other. Yes, I am proud of my group’s work. We did not finish on time, but we learned more from the mistake. I apologize to the teachers. I know that I’m a bit slow in my work. And give feedback to me. This is great to us. I will take steps to learn as much as I can from you.

នេះជាសប្ដាហ៍ទី៥ហើយ ដែលខ្ញុំបានចូលរួម ជាមួយវគ្គបណ្ដុះបណ្ដាល អ្នកសរសេរសារព័ត៌មានរបស់មជ្ឍមណ្ឌលកម្ពុជា ដើម្បីប្រព័ន្ធផ្សព្វផ្សាយឯករាជ្យ(CCIM)។

នៅក្នុងបន្ទប់NEWSROOM CAMBODIA ជាមួយនឹងមិត្ដរួមជំនាន់របស់ខ្ញុំ បានធ្វើឱ្យខ្ញុំកាន់យល់បានច្រើនអំពីអ្វីដែលហៅថាតម្លៃនៃការសាមគ្គី ការជួយទុក្ខធុរៈ និងការលើកទឹកចិត្ដដល់គ្នាទៅវិញទៅមក។ ហើយអ្វីដែលពិសេសជាងនោះ គឺខ្ញុំតែងតែទទួលបានការបង្រៀន ការណែនាំ និងការលើកទឹកចិត្ដ ជាច្រើនពីសំណាក់គ្រួបង្គោល ទាំងពីររបស់ខ្ញុំ គឺលោកគ្រូ ចានស៊ី និងMichael ។

ក្នុងសប្ដាហ៍នេះផងដែរ ខ្ញុំជាមួយនឹងក្រុមB2Gរបស់ខ្ញុំ បានធ្វើការជាមួយគ្នាបានយ៉ាងល្អបំផុត។ បើទោះបីជា ពួកយើងមានការនឿយហត់ និងមានការលំបាកយ៉ាងក៏ដោយ ក៏ពួកយើងនៅតែអាចធ្វើវាបានដែរ។ សម្រាប់ខ្ញុំផ្ទាល់ គឺខ្ញុំមានការលំបាក មួយចំនួនទាក់ទង ជាមួយការប្រើប្រាស់ឃ្លាឃ្លោង ពាក្យពេចន៍ និងជាពិសេសការជួបសម្ភាសន៍ តាមទូរស័ព្ទជាមួយនឹងប្រភពរបស់ខ្ញុំ។ ដោយសារតែខ្ញុំ ហាក់មិនទាន់មាន បទពិសោធគ្រប់គ្រាន់ ក្នុងការសួរ ក៏ដូចជាការប្រដេញនូវ សំណួរផ្សេង ទៅកាន់ប្រភពរបស់ខ្ញុំ ដើម្បីអាចឱ្យខ្ញុំរកបានភាពស៊ីជម្រៅនៃរឿងដែលត្រូវធ្វើ។ តែទោះជាយ៉ាង ក៏ខ្ញុំសង្កេតឃើញថា សមិទ្ធផលដែលអាចធ្វើបាននៅក្នុងសប្ដាហ៍នេះ គឺមានភាពល្អប្រសើរច្រើន ជាងសប្ដាហ៍មុនៗ ជាច្រើនផងដែរ។

ហើយខ្ញុំបេ្ដជ្ញាថា ខ្ញុំនឹងធ្វើឱ្យបានល្អបំផុត ជាមួយនឹងវគ្គបណ្ដុះបណ្ដាលនេះ ដើម្បីអាចឱ្យខ្ញុំមានឱកាសអភិវឌ្ឍខ្លួន ទៅជាអ្នកសារព័ត៌មានម្នាក់ ដែលប្រកបដោយក្រមសីលធម៌ និងមានវិជ្ជាវិជ្ជៈច្បាស់លាស់។

Early morning on Wednesday, January 15, when I woke up, I thought, “YES…”

I knew that my assignment this morning, as assigned by my teacher Mr. Michael Dickison, was to go to the Phnom Penh Court of First Instance to help the VOD team on the story, “The first day of opposition leader Kem Sokha’s trial for treason begins at the Phnom Penh Municipal Court today.”

Before I left home to go directly to the Phnom Penh Municipal Court, what I expected was that me, my classmate Mr. Sotha Vandy and especially other journalists would be going into a comfortable room and sitting down with judges, lawyers, civil society officers and officers from embassies. Maybe even breakfast and coffee — I did not carry them with me as usual… ha ha ha.

But in reality, as you guys can see in the photo (I am under the blue sign toward the far end): no seat, no air-con, no comfortable room to welcome us, and I am standing under the sun. And especially, I need to get in close to many male journalists and photographers… You guys can imagine the smell of sweat around me.

As a lifestyle journalist, as I mentioned at the beginning when I joined CCIM: “Where I usually appear are luxury hotels and five-star hotels, nice restaurants, modern automotive dealerships, businesses and fashion events, etc. … any place where people can enjoy their lifestyles and spend their money to release their stress. But I really don’t know about places where people face violence, where they hurt and lose their beloved in life, where politicians confront issues of injustice in Cambodia, where politicians create drama for fans and audiences.”

This week it was the perfect experience for me to dive into professional political journalism and swim with it, as part of the CCIM training course. I am understanding well now about all friends whose responsibilities are political issues,  breaking news and photojournalism, and about becoming a professional today.

Last, but not least, I am very appreciative of your work, my beloved friends staying the the same career as me — we will walk together for our Cambodian country and leave behind fake news … LOVE YOU ALL